Reminiscence...

Ishita's b'day!

2010-11-29T21:05:00.004+05:30

It was my cousin sister's b'day last week. We had a lot of cake,chocolates, doughnuts,chicken and umm what not. My God, I must have gained like 10 kgs in one day..Oh! but thats not the point!

Actually I realised something very important that day, and thats what we are  going to talk about in here.

The sister that I am talking about here is not the one who roams around with a pretty smile and a sarcastic wagging tongue, ready to sledge anyone who questions my affection for her.. Some people just smiled a knowing smile. She definitely knows I am talking about her and her reaction to this, well I m not quite sure of! Makes me worried. I'll procrastinate that thought for later.

So my cousin, her name's Ishita. She tured 11 last Tuesday. I still cant believe  it though. She is such a kid. Okay, we are deviating again. You guys..focus!

It was her b'day Nov 23rd and since she lives in Mumbai too, its quite obvious that I went to her place after office. She is really fond of painting and so I gifted her a package of all sorts of oil paints and crayons and glitters. She loved it. Atleast thats what I think!

The eldest of our cousins also puts up in Mumbai. He joined us too. He got her a PSP. You should have seen her reaction when she pratically snatched it from his hand. And danced for half an hour in disbelief. And hugged bhaiya 120 times in the least (I stopped counting afetr that). And called every sigle classmate of hers and bragged to them about it. And phewww! hugged bhaiya again!It was endearing. (Before it got predictable).

Just as I was watching Ishi celebrate, I started wondering, how long had it been since I actually got so happy about something. My Dad bought me a brand new laptop last year and I got rid of my dull Celeron-M HP laptop, got a shiny-glossy-red DELL instead. I dint remember thanking my father, let alone hugging him umpteen times. In retrospect actually I hadn't really thanked him outloud for anything lately, the way I remembered doing when I was a kid. Be it for a box of chocolates he would fetch me on his way back from office, or the icecreams that I was treated to, on hot summer days. I used to jump and dance on the thought of gulping those humongous scoops of ice-creams down my pampered throat. What really happened I dont understand. But as I thought of it more and more, I found that I had changed so much over the years. I lost that child in me. I dont know to who.And I couldn't really make out if it had been for the better.

Suddenly I missed being a kid.

Suddenly I wanted to be as happy as Ishita was.

Suddenly I missed the old me.. the perpetually happy, carefree me.. Me, who would exhilerate with joy when Mamma would give her that extra 15 mins in the playground. Who would be thankful to the girl in who had kept her a window seat in the School bus. Who would thank every single Aunt of hers for the greeting cards and presents  they would send her on her b'days. Who would laugh uninhibited at her friend's silly jokes. Who would always always have time to talk to that old lady in the Kirana store. Who would fall down while rushing for the school bus and have the courage to laugh out at her clumsy self. Who would hum her favourite song to ease out instead of repeating the F word ten times. Who was sincere but not so serious! Who didn't know that it was possible for friends to have fights so severe that they wouldn't want to see each others' faces again. Who had 10 best friends, 18 very good friends 21 good friends and well, rest were just friends.

What happened to her, man!  I missed her.

But, I also had a feeling that she was somewhere around. Hiding but not too far away! Who was she hiding from though? Me? Or the world? Was she afraid of rejection? Of not fitting in?

All so suddenly, I was talking to myself.. hug it out man. She was way too cool to let go of. Just try it Anu how hard could it be for you to talk to your-own-little-self? She is just a kid. You are good with kids. Call out to her. She just might talk to you.

Just imagine, you'll be all happy and lively again.

She can teach you to be happy again. She can teach you to be thankful again. She can teach you the art of always having time for others. She can teach you to be yourself again!

Yeah, I am right. The little Anu is the answer to that bad day in office when my code is not working.

She is the answer to that frustrating Thursday evening.

She is the answer to my inhibitions, my trips down the guilt-city.

Just as I realized all this, Ishita drew my attention back to reality with a squeal. "Di dekho naa.. its so cool" "Iska sound ..its so real" "O my God I am so rich today... I got a PSP.. I got so many colours... Main isse scenary paint karoongi" "Thanks diii" "I love you".."I'm soo happy"

And then she hugged me.. real tight..  It felt to me like I hugged the little Anu inside me..just that instant. Like magic. Just like old times.

I kissed Ishita coz it was for her b'day that I was meeting my young-self again.    All the memories of my childhood, so eventful.. full of joy.. full of love. The kind of love that a person can only dream of receiving.. Everything seemed right in front of my tear filled eyes.. So clear!

Though, I have always been real close to my family; And we are close-knitted in the truest sense of the word;We talk on the phone for hours everyday.. Yet, it had been time since I had told them how much I loved them and what they meant to me. How obliged I was to my parents and how much I respected them.  How much did I love my   sister and that she was an absolute sweetheart. How proud I was of my brother and how much I really loved him!

I just wanted to go back home to them, hug them for the innumerous favours they have done to me. Suddenly I could find one thousand reasons to thank them.

And yes, sometimes just a little incident is enough for you to realize something so important.

Then reality bit.. No leaves left for this quarter. And no, Anu you can't go home. But I had an Idea sirjee..I had balance. I decided to call up. Say everything that I realized I should have said long back. Everything that I had always felt but never said.

This might be a deja vu for some of you.

You might be able to relate to what I have just blabbered. Its Ok you know.

Call them up now. Whoever you were thinking of while reading this write-up.

Its never late to tell some1 that you love them.

Its never uncool to thank people outloud.

Its never embarassing to admit to someone that you miss them.

Its never lame to call out to your ownself for help.

And its absolutely fantastic to be able to talk to the kid inside you and feel contented and joyful about your existence.

Just like a child. Just like when you were young.

Take some time out. Talk to your family. Talk to your friends. And most importantly talk to the kid inside you.

You'll feel better. Much much better.  The way I felt that night after my rendezvous with Anu-junior.

Coz I know, when I laugh, I'll never be laughing alone.

When I mess up, I'll never have to face the outcome alone.

And when I take people for granted again, she'll be there to remind me of the blunder.

And now that I have found her again..I am never letting her go. Not again!

Anuvrata (Senior) :)

ssup!

2010-06-02T21:42:00.003+05:30

Long tym eh!

Have been busy with work yaa..cudn't help it!

 Actually,am lying, not abt being busy though.. but abt being busy with work! Ok.I admit.

Like all oder s/w professionals(yh.. dats what ppl call us), I was busy. Without work.

 Anyway. Now that I'm being honest let me confess. I did get the time you know, and I did login, tried to make smthing up..bt apparently cudnt cm up  wid anything worth finishing.

The mental block that an artist faces at times, only an artist can understand.. I seriously don't.  Actually m still not sure if I'll finish this one or archive it for later(which means never).Since, u must have guessed by now that I dont have anything substantial (yes I know this word) to discuss let me narrate to you wat just happened with me.

My grandfather is a very learned man you know. He has lyk a thousand degrees. All for the subjects that I for one dont have a  clue about..things like Sociology,Psychology, Economics..yh rite!

Ok. So what happens is on my way from the office today, after a really (de)pressing day (ha ha),Runa Laila abruptly stops singing "Ranjish hi sahi" to me and the screen of my cellphone flashes "Babbaji calling"!

Now whats weird is babbaji never calls me from his number.

He has a cell ph for himself alright, bt lyk most senior citizens has serious issues  with it, the usual 'I can't put up with this thing' or 'It was so much better in our days of trunk calls'are his fav lines on the mere context of the so-called miraculous, life-saving thing,which is almost an extended part of being for most of us, yes the cell phone!!

So he puts the impossible to understand, not-so-user-friendly Nokia 6600 to occassional use for receiving calls(mostly when he is away smwhere). And thus it xcited me a bit to see "Babbaji calling" probably for the first time on mi cell ph screen.

Anyway, I picked up the phone and answered with the usual "Pranam Babbaji" the respose to which I have always always loved..

"pranam beta..khush raho" :) And the coversation goes,

Babbaji: Kaisi ho beta ?Must be returning from work?

Me: Ji Babbaji.Aaj aapne apne number se call kiya?

Babbaji: Haan,haan,Your dad's not around, and yesterday Amitabh(the baby brother) taught me how to dial a number on this thing(for lyk the 100th time I m sure), so I figured what the hell lemme give it a shot!

Me: Ji Babbaji.To aap seekh hi gaye..Waise aapki tabiyat theek hai?

Babbaji: Haan beta.Hum sab sakushal hain(did I mention, the man has a Phd in Hindi language FYI sakushal means very well) And most of his sentences will remind u of that.

Me: Ji Babbaji.

Babbaji: Beta humein tumse kuch kaam hai.Kuch poochna hai.

Me:Ji babbaji?

Babbaji: Beta, I am readig this article from an 'xyz' writer in the magazine  'xyz'  about the Genx and their language!Their are words in here, probably abbrevs that I just cant understand!

Me:(Kool eh!! So, I 'll now help my grandfather, who by the way is a human dictionary, understand abbrevs.Great!) Sure babbaji.. Tell me what it is.

Babbaji: Ok. For instance what does ROFL mean! There are words like LOL, BRB, TTUL! Do you use such wrds?Do you know what these things actually stand for? For that matter are these actually abbreviations?

Me: Babbaji, they sure are abbrevs. ROFL meaninig Rolling on the floor,laughing LOL stands for laughing out loud. BRB means Be right Back and TTUL means Talk To You Later. This basically is chat/sms language.Even I am not sure if people know the meaning of these or not. But every 10+ uses them like a pro!Its a fad.

Babbaji: Good Heavens, what is your generation upto? Anyway, the meanings are self explainatory alright.

Beta there is one more word I'd like you to expand.Then I'd like to get back to the rest of the article. Can you tell me what LMAO is!

Me: (Ouch! I noe the full form alright, and I mite hv even used it lyk a hundred  times, but the good girl that I am how can I supposedly tell my grandfather what LMAO means.)

umm..uhh.babbaji..

I've never heard of that one. I'll get back to u if I come to hear of it!

Umm. Babbaji I can't hear u properly.. the traffic here is obstreperous.

I'll call you up as soon as I reach home. Pranam.

Pheww!!"Aaaa fir se mujhe chod ke jaane ke liye aa.."and Laila continues!!(Though I dont think I was listening to her crooning now)

Well, I haven't called him up yet, and am planning to postpone it till morrow(for obvious reasons) If any1 of you would like to let the old man knoe what LMAO means you can contact me rite here.. coz I sure am not that audacious!

Anyway, gtg

ttulz!

(Huh, we sure cant do without them..LOLZ)!!

I believe...

2009-08-28T20:09:00.003+05:30

I have in my hands two boxes,which God gave me to hold.
He said "Put all your sorrows in the blackbox and all your joys in the gold".
I heeded His words,and in the two boxes,both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier day by day,the black was as light as before.
With curiosity,I opened the black,I wanted to find out why,
And I saw in the base of the box a hole,which my sorrows had fallen out by.
I showed the hole to God and mused,"I wonder where my sorrows could be".
He smiled a gentle smile and said,"My child,they're all here with me!"
I asked God,why He gave me the boxes,why the gold and the black one with hole?
"My child ,the gold is for you to count your blessings,the black is for you to let your sorrows go"...

An engineer by profession!!

2009-08-20T19:22:00.001+05:30

The 17th of August.Itz a usual day..And all of a sudden.Ring ring...Ring ring..
Pune University's final year results for engineering students are out.
And yes,more importantly..I have cleared all the subjects,royally.

Mom's cheering in a loud,almost shrilling manner.Dad's grinning,a smug look on his face!
I am up,in the air..no.literally..My younger brother has me in his arms,easily lifting me feets above ground level!!
My grandfather is happy..Enjoying the view from a distance.Congratulating me after almost every sentence he speaks.

In midst of all this frenzy,I can't help but think about the four years of my life I've spent away from home,away from the people I love,oh so dearly..Learning.Furbishing myself..Feeling homesick sometimes or sometimes on top of the world.Making memories for life..both cherishable and bitter..

Though ,I never really liked my college..and dismissed most of my classmates in dissidence.Actually I couldn't reconcile myself with the fact that I was not in the college of my choice.The seemingly perpetual feeling of "I don't belong here" escalated my cynicism several folds!
And I will always know in my heart of hearts...I deserved better,way better!

But its time now,time to move on,time to let go of the twinge of resentment,time to look back at all those years and smile,neverthless..Coz its a new beginning.Coz I've been paid back.Coz I am now what I'd always wanted to be.An engineer by profession!